CRUCIFIED

I think I know how Jesus must’ve felt
Before a crowd of his jeering nonbelievers
I’m a prisoner now of my own pain
A martyr of my marriage

I’m sucked shallow
Fucked dry
By a hostile gathering of my own heathens
Who go by native-sounding names like
Totally Broken Dreams, Love Left Me, and Big Fucking Failure.
Once a tree, I’m now a drooping lifeless stick Who has been nailed
To the very earth I once took root in
My head is pulled down
By some unknown inertia of it’s own
Forcing my tears to rain about me

Although I’m unaware
There is some hope dangling about me
For I’m held up by the thinnest lifelines Of my Possibilities
But this moment, I really don’t care Even if they broke off
And floated away
I probably wouldn’t even notice

And then I see it
Look at it lying there like a dead rodent
Why—it’s my feather boa
It used to be my finest
Oh—if only I could reach it
Wind it around and around
To hold us together again

HARPOONED

Apparently I wore the wrong outfit this day
My camouflage was intended
For fair battle on land
But you, the big bad fisherman
Lured me to the water
And ambushed me Harpooned me like a whale

I never saw it coming
And not so my Possibility
It too got severed
Its lifeline went askew
We both spun helplessly
In a swirl of confusion
Me, a fallen warrior
Without her battered shield

So charged were your strikes
It electrified my headdress Disjoined my feathers
Even my beautiful boa floated away

Unable to get my bearings
I floated for in endless time
With a stupid stunned look on my face
And my tears became one with the sea

What are you doing to me?
Is this some perverted sport you play?
It must be so
Because all the while
I heard you laughing at me

IN SPITE OF CATASTROPHE

Screw this!
Let the mountains explode today
And space fall from the heavens
For God has finally sent me my relief
All gloriously wrapped up in a juke box

I’m alive!
My toes tingle; my tendrils jingle
Beat up; boogie down
Stomp-stomp; rumba and roll Awoo!
Go squirrels go!

I’m crackin’!
Belly pulse; shimmy-shimmy
My Possibility prances
Dances before me
All dressed up like cotton candy
Good enough to eat!

I’m IT!
A git-down warrior
A freakin’ disco mama
I’m WAY cut-the-rug sexy
And I’m givin’ it away today
Right here; right now
In spite of catastrophe

IT REMAINS NAMELESS

The moans that were once the shrill of my ecstasy
Are now exhaled
Through the empty wind shaft I’ve become
I’m a hollowed out tree
And oh, I’m so furious
You see––it’s because you went and did it
You snatched my snatch

In case you’d forgotten
It was my gift to you
Bound in love; savory and saved
Me the property; you the stakeholder
For what I thought would be an eternity

I wore an invisible chastity belt
While you held the only key
I heard it clang against the mountainside
As it was carelessly tossed away
It created an echo that will never leave me

Now, look at me
I’m some old abandoned home
With too many wrinkles in her wallpaper
And a few too many pounds of paint on her walls
The sign on the lawn says
House for Sale
But who will buy it?
For it was neglected a long, long time

Oh, that makes me mad
I’m so livid I just want to put my hands around your…
Never mind; I just can’t finish my sentence
There seems to be a rather annoying Possibility
Tugging at me
Telling me stupid things like
Don’t worry, another man will love you.

Well, that makes me laugh so hard my belly hurts
And THAT makes me moan again
Another haunting groan whooshes
So loudly through my empty rooms
That I can hardly hear myself ask
Does the plumbing even work around here anymore?

 

 

NO CICADAS

I wore the memories of my marriage vows
Like an itchy scab picked away with a child’s impatience
The only difference is I picked mine until it bled
Not realizing that this was God’s sign
To let time do its healing

Ignoring this message
I continued to stand in the sea of despair
I let the waves of sadness throw me
Against the rocks of my past
The salt stung my wound like acid

My Possibility, so tired of seeing me suffer
Threw its lifeline once again
Only this time I held it tightly
And was dragged onto the beach
I rested for several full moons
While the tides tried to recapture me again

Eventually, my scab fell off
It detached itself from me
As if we’d been strangers all along
And there, beneath it
Laid the miracle I’d been waiting for

It reminded me of when I was young
And found a cicada just emerged from its pupa
So rainbow were its colors
So delicate were its wings
The gift of metamorphism had transpired
Right before my very eyes

My own rejuvenation took the form of pink tenderness
And so as not to reinjure myself in this fragile state
I rested some more
While my Possibility lovingly shaded
My newborn skin from the sun

In my lethargy, I slowly began to notice the million grains of sand
And how easily they moved beneath my hands
Surely I could build another life
Just by adding a small amount of the sea
But not all
Never again

And now from my new beach house
I watch the sea that was once filled with despair
And I respect it
Sometimes I take a dip in there
However I don’t fear drowning anymore
I just float for a while and remember my cicada
And my own metamorphosis

I may be no cicada
But I’m still part tree
Half sexy thing
And finally all me

PAINBODY

I cannot be bridled, O Golden Moon
After the Tree of Life nourished me
I became a fast-growing seedling
With one foot terra firma
And the other determined to dance
I am now part tree
Half sexy thing; super-primed

I’m a warrior in a wrath to claim her life back
I hold a rod of readiness
A symbol of my new identity
And claim sovereignty over my past

My head has grown humongous
An engorged purple blister ready to burst
I’ve adorned it with feathers
Plucked from a bird of freedom

You see—your moonlight was not visible
On the night she died
I was confused
Delirious in my transformation
I threw something into the sunless sky
To try and stop her
When the poor bird’s screeches pierced my ears
I realized it was my scepter
That had torn through her heart

Since I could not see you, O Golden Moon
I was sure you could not see me
My blunder went unnoticed
As I hastily snatched up the feathers
The trophies of her pain

I immortalized them on my headdress
Meticulously—one at a time
Exhausted; I hung my head
For what felt like forever and a day
The feather tips poked my kneecaps like daggers
And I dreamed of my battles fought and lost
And I dreamed of my battles won

I’m dazed and disjointed; powerful
Yet powerless to stop myself
I throw my scepter everywhere now
At anything that moves
I’m unsure who’s my friend or what I’m out to kill

I take hold my Possibility with a tendril-tight grasp
Squeezing it mercilessly until it aches and cries
I’m a ravenous mass of voracity
Hungrier than hell

This one will do, this ragdoll
All limp, distorted; gutted
No struggle here
Watch me feast on her
Gobble up her pain

Wait and see, O Golden Moon
Wait ‘til you see me after
Part tree
Half sexy thing
And all pain body

 

 

SIRF AND TURF

This damn wave keeps following me
So in my face it is
But I actually managed to still it just now
Halt it in place
And it went something like this

I extended my arms
And with a voice as big as thunder
I yelled
“Enough already!”
Just like a referee marking foul play

Only this is no game
This is my life
Which has become some kind of tsunami
A sea of destruction
Yet on this exact spot where I’ve been toppled
And left so helpless before
The wave of despair has finally stopped

The surf teams with all sorts of life
Jumping and whipping about in the salt sprays
This excites me
I hold my Possibility
As if it’s a kid’s balloon
With the string gently wrapped around my finger
It’s my reminder to laugh again

Still it’s hard to do a balancing act
With such weight wrapped around me
The thought of him snuffs out my smile
Chokes me with sadness
God, if only I could just bite him
The meathead
To see if he has any feelings at all

 

 

THE TREE OF LIFE

I am a woman, a warrior woman
In a fight for her own survival
Two of my freedom friends fly high above
They’ve circled several times and kept watch over me
So that when I’m primed I will follow their lead

A ceremonial headdress lies upon my head
A coiffure of dignity; an adornment of my pride
For this is a momentous occasion
To show how resolute I am
And to proudly parade the stock I’m made

I’ve donned a feather boa around my neck
My pretend mink stole
Its sheer softness lies feather-light in my hand
A mere wisp of femininity
It frames my breasts; winds around my nipples
Twisting them into hard pyramids of pleasure

I’m painted crimson, scarlet, and red
Every color running through my veins
Because I’m alive tonight; a tuning fork of love
I’m exposed, sensual; quite sexy
No part of me is forfeited, and I show it haughtily
With my legs wide open
My sex filled with colors of splendor
It’s centered like a target as if to declare
I’m ready to be lusted again––savage me

A cloud drifts listlessly above me
A thought in the ethers
It’s my Possibility floating about like a soap bubble
Taunting me to lift my head
To notice something else standing overhead
Why––It’s Mother Nature’s ambassador
All pumped and staunch; ready for everything

“May I introduce myself?” He says
I grin because I already know he is the Tree of Life
And a funny one at that because he wears trunks
In the same colors as my splendor

He’s au courant of my story
And dismisses my past with a tsk, tsk
“Dance!” He says and shows me what it’s like
To have one foot planted and one on the move
Then he casually tosses an object to me
Like a handkerchief in the wind

I’m starved for validation; hungry for solution
I open my mouth; ready to receive the magic in the night
It lingers in midair
All wrapped up in gold
Tantalizing me
“Take it.” He says
“It’s your medicine ball.”

 

To see the artwork of artist Andrea Monroe go here

To learn about artist Andrea Monroe go here

For more information about Andrea Monroe go here http://andreamonroe.com/

Poetry from: THE STORY OF MY DIVORCE