A VERY FLATTENED CHRISTMAS

Rating: 7/10

Director: Shane Wallace

Writer: Key Tawn Toothman and Shane Wallace

Style: Comedy Horror

Time: 1 hour, 31 minutes

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJKG2IVHO_o

Review by Mike Szymanski

Sometimes, usually late at night, when you can’t sleep and you have the munchies, you need to watch something that is light, funny, exciting enough to keep you awake, but not so complicated you have to think too much about it.

No, those are not the times you want to contemplate “The Matrix” and you certainly don’t want to deal with “Sophie’s Choice.” A Rob Zombie movie will just make you throw up your snacks and set you on edge. A Stephen King adaptation will just unnerve you.

This is the time to check out movies such as “A Very Flattened Christmas.” It is exactly those times when it’s late at night and you’re with a group of friends, and you have the munchies and you want to make fun of the characters you see on the screen because they remind you too much of each other.

For some reason, especially lately, horror movies are set around the Yuletide holiday. Murderous Santas, killer clowns coming down the chimney and demons invading during this religious holiday seem to be fairly common in the movie zeitgeist these days for some reason.

Don’t expect too much, simply go along for the ride, and you’ll reach a justifiable conclusion that makes sense, and a tender moment between characters.

This movie is sort of a culmination of a series called “Flattened” written by Key Tawn Toothman (who also stars in the series and movie). The series appeared on YouTube at 4:20 p.m. and followed the hijinks of Max Peters (Toothman) and his best friend Dan (Trevor Vincent Farney) as they work at a roadkill pick-up company called Furry Friends. They have a wacky group of perpetually-stoned co-workers, some loud and shrill women, and other characters that find their way into the movie.

You do not have to know about the series “Flattened” to enjoy this movie, but you may become a fan-boy and go explore the origins of these characters. (For more about the series go here https://www.youtube.com/@flattenedtheseries).

The series was done in 2016 through 2017 and that’s why the movie starts off with a scroll that says “Six Years Later.” The opening credits show a snow globe of the quirky characters brought back from the series and put into the movie for the (final?) time.

In a very Fargo-like opening, an injured guy is seen stumbling out of a car and is chased through snow. The guy is screaming and then is bludgeoned with a shovel by an foreboding figure dressed like a reindeer standing upright.

The ball-busting boss of Furry Friends is Dale (Mark Mannette) with two obnoxious adult kids Dale Jr. (Blaine Frazier) and daughter Maddie (Kaemie McCanless). Maddie has a frustrating unconsummated and kind of creepy crush on Max.

Max reluctantly returns to the town and his company of old friends for the funeral of their murdered friend, J (Naythan Smith) who supplied most of them with fine weed in the past, and was like a guru to them all.

A most obnoxious character, who is Max’s main rival and nemesis, is Rick (Jesse Bailey), who became the famed creator of the action hero Dick Puncher, who does what his name insinuates to catch the bad guys. The friends all begrugingly admit that his latest “Dick Puncher Saves Christmas” is perhaps his best, maybe the best movie of all time.

Even during the wacky funeral, some of the guests are passing around a joint, snorting cocaine and appearing generally disrespectful.

The guy doing the eulogy is hysterically tongue-in-cheek as he talks about their spiritual journey together and “building this ridiculous church.” He recites such platitudes, “As we feel the pain of Jay’s passing, we are taking one step closer to discovering ourselves. Live the life you love.”

The cast has great comic timing, and because of the Dick Puncher character, be ready for lots of dick jokes that will satisfy the junior high school giggling you may need to experience.

And there are plenty of gory moments: hooking a car battery to genitals, eating a girl’s intestines, a strange masked girl, a monster lurking in a field of straw, serving shrimp jerky, plenty of heads getting chopped off, and for some reason occasional shots of naked orgies that don’t seem to fit in.

But overall, it’s the perfect goofy nonsense for a late-night viewing, and you’ll have a good time.

This movie may be the fitting end to the characters created by Toothman, but something tells me he will have more up his creative sleeve.

The film will also be available for purchase or to rent on Amazon Prime Video this holiday season.

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